The Old Guy

From the Retired Old Guy

A TRIP TO COSTCO
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore

poor dog!

Give that guy a biscuit!

I was in line at Safeway the other day and had 8 healthy choice frozen dinners. The women in front of me asked me "are those any good?" I was polite about it and told her yes, but in my head I was wondering, why the hell would I be buying 8 of anything if i thought they where bad?

These encounters always remind me of Mad Magazines, Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions. The Purina diet is classic.......

Tell her , no they are terrible , but I have a tape worm and its good enough for him.