1.Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
2.When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
3.A penny saved is a government oversight..
4.The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
5.The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement ...
6.He who hesitates is probably right.
7.Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ' XL.'
8.If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
9...If you can smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to blame.
10.The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
11.There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt
12.Did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.'
13.Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
14.The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
15.Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
16.When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra..
17.You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
18.Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
19.First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then , you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.